Conflicting Habitus

                I think of my family as an institution. The ones who grew up with the “Capra way of doing things” are insiders while those who married into the family have a more difficult time acclimating. This distinction is especially heightened during the holidays when the family (my paternal grandparents; my aunt and her husband; my uncle, his girlfriend and her son; and my immediate family) gets together.

                “The Capras” all use their hands when having a conversation. This is a body practice not shared by those who weren’t born into the family. At one birthday celebration, my grandpa was dishing our cake and telling a very loud story, with the help of hand gestures, at the same time. This caused great stress for my aunt’s husband when he received his cake. My grandpa was so out of control with his hand gestures that the cake just barely landed on his plate and the serving knife nearly hit his face. My aunt’s husband looked as though he was holding his breath and simultaneously praying for his life. Clearly, he isn’t used to this kind of communication.

                Another holiday gathering demonstrated the lack of traditional activities in the Capra household. Our Christmases don’t consist of caroling or baking cookies. Those traditions fit better with my aunt’s husband. One Christmas he suggested that we watch The Christmas Story. My grandpa, assuming he was joking, laughed and went to get a movie. Instead of a classic Christmas movie, my Grandpa came back with GoodFellas. Once again, it was made clear what The Capras do.

                A lot of our behavior and body practices are ostracizing for those unaccustomed to them. These distinctions between “insiders” and “outsiders” are not consciously made. My family doesn’t set out to make my aunt’s husband uncomfortable. Our conflicting habitus simply set up these dynamics.